I know I will be one who will have to learn to live with "the ache."
After I had Will, I immediately wanted to get pregnant again and go through the experience all over- pregnancy, birth, new perfect babe. I wanted a million babies. I literally counted down the days until it was time to try again for baby #2.
Then there was Annie. It took a little bit of trying to get her here. Looking back I think it was God's way of saying, "Are you sure you are ready for this one?" She came a week early when I was unprepared, and I can still say that I'm unprepared for her. She leaves me exhausted and in awe at the end of each day. After I had her, I went to my doctor and said, "I need to be on whatever will ensure that I will not have an accident." I needed time to adjust to Annie. That being said, I did miss her in my belly already.
And sweet Paige. My loving Father in Heaven all but came down and told me that it was time for her to come. So we let her, and it has been the most blissful nearly 10 months. We love every piece. I still miss my pregnancy, I reminisce about her dreamy delivery, and I worry about how quickly time is going. How quickly my new baby is growing up on me- even though I tell her on a daily basis not to. I'm back to wanting a million babies all over again.
I don't feel like our family is complete yet, but I am already so sad at how fast these years have gone. I already long for the days of baby Will, and Lightning McQueen, and Annie singing "Yankee Doodle" in her footie pajamas. And I miss Paige's tiny body napping on my chest.
Right now. Today. This is going to be the time that I will long to go back to. I will want to be so annoyed at how Annie doesn't let me have 5 seconds to myself to think. I will dream of waking up in the night to nurse my sweet baby because it's the only time that I can have her all to myself with zero interruptions. I will miss Will thinking I'm the coolest mom ever because I can beat Skylanders! I'm going to miss it all!
Today felt like a day that I didn't appreciate it. I didn't appreciate the little things that come with having children- and they are beautiful things because I have children. Not everyone has that gift.
I'm calling a do-over.
So, TODAY, I'm going to be grateful. I'm grateful for this little apartment and how it fits us all and allows me to stay home with my babies. I'm grateful to have Annie on my heels because that means she wants to be with me. I'm grateful that Dallas and I have the same goals, and that other things can come later. I'm grateful that I have no time to myself because my day is filled with taking care of little souls.
I know I will miss it all one day. I'm going to be grateful today.
"When you have been given the tremendous gift of being able to have a baby, to give birth to that baby, to love that baby, it marks you. It should, perhaps, and so this season has marked more than just my stretched-out body, it has marked my soul."
|Brand new Will.|
|Annie Kate and her footie pajamas.|
|6 pound Paige.|
|All of my kids. Together. Under one roof. Every day.|